I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
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