This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
