Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I don't deserve a penis
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
