He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
