clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
