bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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