U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
