Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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