her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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