I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
porn star boner night. come get it.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
