I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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