We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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