What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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