Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
