he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
