fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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