just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Randomize
