I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
