I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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