I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
