I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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