Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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