I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
