i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
