I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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