Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize