May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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