Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
