Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
