Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Well I just put wine in my tea
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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