I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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