Will you blow on my dice?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
