im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
