I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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