In the future we'll all be gay
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
