you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
