I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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