Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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