Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
