now i know why i became what i already was.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
