I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
