Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Randomize
