Soap is not a condiment
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I cockslap morals
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Randomize
