My sheets look like a crime scene.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
