Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
