How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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