i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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