Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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