dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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