Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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