I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
