pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
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