i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
