i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
