so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
vagina is talking i cant
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
