He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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