I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
