Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize