Already got asked if we're dating
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Sober January is a disaster.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
