Kiss
Puke
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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