atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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