I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
