Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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