It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
