my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
