The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize