Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
