I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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