I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Randomize
