can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I am midnight drunk by noon
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
