So drunk its hurt
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize