I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
