conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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