i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
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