when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Randomize
