Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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