I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I think my vagina is haunted
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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