i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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