Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
