did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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