Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
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