Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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