Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
