smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
