i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize