careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
