i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
