Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Randomize
