I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
