I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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