dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
