I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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