Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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