They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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