the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
