she woke up with a sticky ear
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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