everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
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