Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
