the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
