Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
