I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
