I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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