Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
i've created a new STD.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
