i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
