'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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